Updated: Mar 24, 2021
Like many of you, I was in the "habit" of making New Years Resolutions. Until last year, when jumping in Lake Michigan I decided that instead of promising to "stop" , "get rid of", "quit" something, I would focus on how I was going to feel that year, how I would look, and what that would be like.
This was hard. I weighed myself. I was dumbfounded by what I saw. Two hundred pounds. What? Yes, I worked out, I did Yoga, I ate right. After talking with trusted people that I like to call my "gurus" and spiritual team, I realized that it was all in me. It was the pain I suffered when l learned I could not have a baby, or get pregnant and survive the pregnancy, it was the opening of my heart to let go of a boy I raised for 10 years, so that he could be happy with his family, it was digging into my childhood and realizing I never dealt with sexual abuse from a stranger. I also know it was dealing with the amount of oppression I experienced as a woman in a leadership role and a very proud out woman who was oppressed in her job. My grief of loss of our father, and my worries and concerns for our family. These factors alongside being a Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault advocate who had seen things for over 10 years that I can only hope your eyes never have to see, all of this lives in you.
Yes, we all have our life experiences. The problem is many of us think we have dealt with things, but often, learn that dealing with it does not mean you move on and keep busy. It means actually looking at how these things made you feel, where has it placed you in the world and have you made peace with the trauma, and the many other things you may have gone through.
Truth is, I did not. However; 2020 was the year that I dedicated myself to that. Total Self-Care, working at home, eating healthy, doing Yoga two times a day, meeting with my spiritual team, coaches, gurus, talking with family and friends. Having conversations that I never wanted to have, addressing feelings and thoughts. Slowly, while doing all the above, I was losing weight, I had more energy, I felt my life returning to me. I made bold decisions, I decided to quit drinking on January 6th, 2020, I joined weight watchers to help me find dinners that I could make that were dairy free, and gluten free.
I was making strong boundaries with toxic people or things that did not feel good or safe. I put my soul into things that I have always wanted to do. I spent more time with my family, reconnected with certain people. I got rid of "feeling guilty" because I was always happy, had the energy to do more when others could not comprehend my passion. I made a promise to never apologize for the gift given to me in this life, and how much joy, energy and love that I put into that gift and how it shows up in this world.
Now, 365 days later, I am 60 lbs lighter, I have met the most incredibly loving and supportive people, my yoga business has finally taken off online, I have not had any alcohol for a year, I do not eat out, I cook all my meals at home, I have reconnected with family/friends that I love and most of all, my heart feels peace, my soul feels joy, my body feels respected, my mind is busier than ever, but in balance, I can honestly say that I have finally put all that heavy weight to rest and have moved on. The world is mine, my gift is my blessing, I will continue to use it and in the company of those who love and support me and feel proud of all of that.
If I can do all that in 365 days, what could you do? If you are making a resolution this year, may my story inspire you to redirect your thoughts to the following:
How would you like to feel?
How would you like to show up in life?
What would that look like?
What are some things you need to take care of ( in you) to achieve the above goals?
What would your support system look like?